"Should I Drown or Crown You"

Should I drown you in silence or crown you in song?

Why do I still not know, after all that's gone wrong?

As the days drift slowly past,

Only your memories seem to last.

These places whisper, they haunt my mind,

The people stare, their looks unkind.

I’m scared to walk where we once stood,

To face the love I meant for good.

I dreamt we’d age, hand in hand,

You as the queen, I as your man.

But time, it never claimed its toll—

For me, you still complete the whole.

The present begs for something new,

But my heart still beats for you.

Each fragment of our history,

So full of joy and mystery.

I want to keep it all, intact,

Hidden deep, with every pact.

This poem—just for you to see.

Unless you’d rather set it free.

Then never tell me what took place—

Let me remember your honest face.

The thought of losing you for good

Tears my soul more than it should.

Could we rewind, correct the wrongs,

Undo the silence, rewrite our songs?

That bliss is gone, it slipped away—

No more waking by you each day.

A moment I would always cherish,

Now just memories that slowly perish.

It could have been a life so bright,

You and me, both crowned in light.

If only silence weren’t mistaken

For love neglected and forsaken.

I’ve loved no one else, nor will I start,

You were, and are, the beat of my heart.

You’re my Ellie, I your Fredricksen,

A truth I never voiced to anyone.

We’d build a home, brick by brick,

Love would rise, strong and thick.

But now you’re gone, and life’s a fray,

A battlefield I face each day.

I breathe, I move, I wear my skin—

But thriving, love, is not within.

So farewell now, my wind, my sail—

I turn alone to face the gale.

Was any of it Real?

I want to run—so fast, so far,

Escape your name, your ghost, your scar.

Each step I take, my heart still wrenches,

Your memory digs in deep, leaves trenches.

If I stop, the past begins to bite,

Like a starving hound in the dead of night.

The moments we shared come rushing back,

A cruel montage on a looping track.

Was it all real, the love we made?

Or just a mask that you portrayed?

Did you ever mean the words you said,

Or was I just warmth till the next warm bed?

I've lost the gift of peaceful sleep,

My nights are long, my wounds run deep.

Even insomniacs would bow in shame,

Compared to how I’ve played this game.

Vivid reels inside my mind—

Moments soft, now sharp, unkind.

I try new things, they never last,

Joy fades quickly, haunted by past.

A bottomless spiral, I descend,

Each thought of you refuses to end.

Why did you go? Was I not enough?

Was my version of love too soft, too tough?

Now work’s my drug, my sweet escape,

I bury myself, reshape, reshape.

No time to talk, no space to feel,

Just tasks and noise to help me heal.

But still the question screams and burns,

Why didn’t you share the hurt in turns?

This dream we built comes back in pain,

Now I'm the one left in the rain.

I’ve even thought of ending this ride,

But that would just let sorrow slide

Into more hearts, make them bleed too—

So no, I won’t do that to those who do love true.

You could’ve told me, face to face,

Not hid behind a liar’s grace.

You fooled around, then played it calm,

Till I uncovered your secret balm.

Had I not asked you that cold dawn,

You’d have let the lie go on and on.

So tell me now—are you happy still?

Was breaking me part of the thrill?

I hope you smile when night is near,

When I lie cold with dried-up tears.

Because this wound, this step you chose—

Left nothing blooming, just a roseless rose.